Kamis, 23 April 2015

THE END (ENGLISH VERSION)

“Lili!!”
A loud voice was heard from the darkness of a small hallway at a simple house. Directly the voice sounded such a mad dog that barked in the cage caused a little girl run away from his bed-room. Then, she went to a small room which was located at the corner of the house on the second floor. When she was on the way to the room called ‘Secret Chamber’, she looked like so panic and scared. She acted as though she had been being chased by the devil.

‘Lili’…that’s the name of the little girl who never answered when there was a voice calling her name, and she just looked like so panic and scared. Lili was a little girl with a deep black eyes, long straight black hair with a pigtail on it, and a dimple on her right chick. In her house, Lili who was 7 years old lived with her father. Yes, they both lived together without any family member including her mother, at least since 2 years ago.

Lili was not a little girl who never felt the mother’s love actually. As told before that she had not been living with her mother since two years ago. It means that before the two years, she had lived and felt her mother’s love. However, the night mare changed some parts of her life involved her characteristics.

“Lili!! Where are you?!!??”
Again, that mad voice rang again. Lili standing up in front of the door at her ‘secret chamber’ didn’t enter the room. She was thinking of something and threw her deep black eyes to the hallway where she run away from. A scary feeling had not disappeared from her face; nevertheless, the other ‘words’ such a guilty, love or whatever feelings that she never got, seemed on her eyes.

“Lili!! Come here!! I have something for you!”
Lili just kept silent. She didn’t move and said nothing. She just paid attention on the wind that talked with the the leaves of the tree outside the house. She was getting confused actually. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. For more than hundred times she got that kind of terrible condition, but she still didn’t decide her decision whether she approached the voice or sank herself in the secret chamber.

“Lili, please don’t hide!! Don’t you want to see your mom in the lily’s garden?” an invitation word fly through the clarity and came to Lili.

A glitter dropped from her eyes. It fell on her white chicks and broken with her heartbeat. Nothing could make her drop the glitter from her eyes except everything about her mother. Moreover, a minute ago, she heard someone said about ‘her mom’ and ‘Lily’s garden’. Then, step by step she moved her feet toward the voice.

“Daddy…” a word went out from Lili’s mouth softly when she was on the way for reaching the voice.

Just like what Lili said to the person who called her name, the person called ‘Lili’ from the darkness was actually Lili’s daddy namely Andrey. Andrey was a single fighter for Lili because she was left by his wife. Of course after the die of his wife, Rose, Andrey had to looked after their only daughter, Lily. Nevertheless, the story didn’t run as well as the scenery. Everything was changed. A father didn’t behave as a father, and a daughter didn’t behave as a daughter. They acted as if there had been a big wall between them. Of course there was a reason for that. Furthermore, the reason of that kind of behavior was about ‘A strange disease’ that was got by Andrey. Since the age of Rose’s pregnant was around 7 months, Andrey behaved such a mad man. Sometimes he was on a rampage and destroyed the stuffs in the house, or even did violence to Rose, but it didn’t happen during all the time. It came suddenly, and no one knew what disease that Andrey owned.

Clarity was still surrounding Lili’s heart. One by one she collected and set up the pieces of her courage to face someone in the darkness. However, before she reached that someone, Lili was surprised of a noisy sound such a stuff that threw and hit the floor. To hear that noisy sound, Lili stopped and her mind flashed back to three days ago. She recalled her mind to the moment happened in the Sunday afternoon.

Three days ago, in the Sunday afternoon when Lily was playing her lovely Barbie, she heard her father yelled and cursed a name out. Beside that, her father destroyed the stuff and a glass threw to the floor. Lily was scared and ready to avoid, but she didn’t do that because she saw her father took her mother’s picture.

“No! Don’t do that, Daddy! It’s the last picture of Mom!” Yelled Lily while trying to take her mom’s picture.

“Go away! If you don’t go away, I’ll kill you!” yelled Andrey to Lily, but Lily just answered him with a bite on Andrey’s hand.

“Damn!” Andrey felt hurt, then he pushed Lily.

“Rose and you are same! You are mother and little monsters!” Andrey yelled while moving toward Lily. His eyes were full of hate. He was not like a father; he was like a killer.

Then, Andrey took Lili’s lovely Barbie. He took it from Lily by force. Lily just did nothing. She just saw her lovely Barbie was broken by her father. She saw her father broke the Barbie’s leg, feet and head one by one. Furthermore, he ended it up by throwing the broken Barbie to the wall. Lily was so sad to see that. Tears dropped heavily on her chick. Once more, in the Sunday afternoon, when the other children were happy for playing in the garden with their family; in contrast, Lily just got terrible event that rocked her soul.

“Lily!” the mad voice rang again while a stuff hit the wall. Directly it brought her back to the reality and left her memory of the three days ago.

Realizing that situation, Lily went back and walked rushly. She tried to far away from the mad voice. Now she had found the exact way; she had to hide herself in her secret chamber. Now she realized that her father was getting his mad back. She was sure for that, so she didn’t want her father hurt herself again. Beside that, she realized that her father couldn’t find her in the secret chamber because it was located in the second floor.

Kreeeekkkk!” Lily closed the door of her secret chamber.

Now she had been far from her mad father. Her father couldn’t kill her. She had been save. However, that kind of situation didn’t calm her down perfectly. Scary face still seemed on her face.

Darkness filled the secret chamber. No bright lighted that room, only the moon-light that took a breath there. From the sky, the moon tried to feel Lily’s sorrow. It tried to say its supports through the opened window. Not much the bright that could come in, but it’s enough to make Lily’s heart warmer.

Lily then moved to the corner of the room. Next movement was that Lily hugged her knees closely. Her tiny body filled the empty corner of her secret chamber. For the dark, she let it dance surrounded her sorrow, and only the tears on her chicks that she let to bright. Crying…the little girl with a deep black eyes was crying. No one understood the exact feeling of her, even the frozen walls of her secret chamber whereas those were the witness of her sorrow.

Crying…Lily couldn’t stop her tears. Every moment laughed in her mind. They came and went as like as they wanted. But then her memory stucked in a moment when her mom was still alive. That moment was played again perfectly. Every detail could seem clearly including the way of her mom’s death.

“Lily, my dear. He’s your dady. He really loves us, so please love him too. Someday, your dady will change,” Rose talked to Lily when Lily was 5 years old. To hear those words, Lily just kept silent because she didn’t really understand what happened with her father.

Then, the other moment was played. It was playing the moment when Lily was playing at her Lily’s garden with her friend. Lily was so happy playing with her friends, but something embarrassing came in to her happiness. Her father went out of the house and yelled such a mad man. Then, he destroyed all of the things at the garden. Because of that, some of parents didn’t let their children playing with Lily. Not only that, those people berated Lily’s family as well. They regarded that Lily’s father was a mad man, and Lily was regarded as a mad child.

One day Lily asked her mother why no one came to her house for playing together like before. However, her mother just told her that Lily’s friends were visiting their grand-parents. That answer didn’t make her satisfied. Then she asked another question.

“Mom, why do all of my friends say that dady is a mad man?” Lily asked innocently.

“Mom, is it true that daddy is a mad man?”

“No, dear. Daddy is not a mad man. He’s a dady who has a big love for his family. Don’t hear what people say about your daddy. You love your daddy, right?” Rose guided her daughter to her own way with a smooth pat touched Lily’s hair.

Lily just nodded as a sign of her agreement. Then, Rose kissed Lily’s head and said something.

“Good, dear. You must love your daddy because he does the same thing. He loves us so much!”

“Dear…do you want to promise?” Lily just looked at Rose’s black eyes.

“Lily, you must promise that you will love your daddy as much as you can, and you won’t hate whatever he does. Once again, you must keep your daddy with your affection. Will you?” A glitter seemed on Rose’s black eyes.

Lily kept silent for a while. She looked at Rose’s eyes, and threw it out for looking at her family’s picture. Then, she got her eyes back to Rose. She actually got what Rose said. It’s easy for her to love her own daddy, but she just got confused with gliter on Rose’s eyes. The tears fallen on Rose’s cheeks made Lily confused so much. “Why do you cry, Mom?” that’s the question flying in her mind, but it’s never pronounced by Lily.

“Yes, I will, Mom!” Lily said then, after she noticed glitter on Rose’s eyes.

Lily was still crying. She still filled the darkness of the secret chamber with her memories. She regretted The words saying to Rose 2 years ago. It played as though it had become a bullet for herself. It’s like a bullet that could kill herself. 2 years ago, when Lily promised to her mother, she might never suspect that it would put her on the worst situation. 2 years ago, she just thought that everything would run well; her mother would not die, and her father would not become more ‘crazy’. In fact, all of the things were totally different. Her mother died with irreasonable reason, and her father became more unexpected person; he could change his behavior every seconds. Accordingly, she felt so sorry for the promise that she said.

A second later, the other memory came to Lily’s mind. She remembered when she was laughing and playing with her parent in the garden which was full of lilies. They were like a happy family. From her memory, she could see how her parent loved her. She could see that her parents hugged her with full of affection. It’s really nice and unforgettable moment. However, along the clarity surrounding the secret chamber, the worst memory came in to Lily’s mind and tore her feeling.

“Stop, Andrey! Stop! Please honey!” Rose screamed out and tried to stop Andrey destroying all of the stuffs in their house. Nevertheless, Andrey didn’t care with his wife’s words. He still destroyed all of the things from one room to another room. He threw the glass, jars, paintings and even overthrew the chair and table. It’s so scary, and Andrey looked like a mad man. He couldn’t be stopped by any one else, including his wife.

“Stop, honey!” Rose prevented her husband by holding his hand, but it didn’t work. Andrey was stronger than Rose. Then, Andrey went to the kitchen where it’s nearby Lily’s room.

“Look at me, honey! Please, don’t do that kind of thing! It can hurt yourself!” Rose never gave up to stop her husband, but she still got nothing.

Andrey ran around the kitchen rougly. He acted as if he had been looking for something. Beside that, Rose was still following him with the tears dropped on her cheecks.

Moreover, Lily hearing the commotion, got up from her bed and walked to the kitchen where the commotion came from. She walked there with bringing her lovely Barbie. Then, how surprised she was when she saw her mother chasing her mad father. Lily didn’t get what happened with her parent. Actually she ever saw her father tortured her mother many times, but not like that time.

“Mommy…” Lily called Rose from the threshold, but Rose didn’t hear it. Then, Lily called her for the second times and moved one step.

“Mommy…”

Finally Rose heard Lily. She threw her eyes to Lily, and she looked so confused. Beside her, there’s her husband who really needed to be stopped, but in another side, there’s her lovely daughter standing to see all of the chaos. As a kind mother, of course Rose didn’t want her lovely daughter see it. Then, she approached Lily and tried to ask her back to her room.

“Lily, why do you come here? Now you must go to your room. Ok?” Lily just shook her head to hear her mother.

“Please?” Rose asked for the second times with tears that she kept in order not to drop any more. To answer her mother, Lily answered it with shaking head.

“Let me here, Mom…” Lily begged to her mother. When Rose wanted to answer, something was heard behind them. In fact, Andrey threw a glass to one of side in the kitchen.

“Please, Dear. If you love me, you must go back to your room,” Rose talked louder than before. From her words, we could feel a force.

“No, Mom. Let me here with you. What happens with daddy actually, Mom?” Lily ignored her mom’s words.

“I’ll tell you, Dear, but later on. Now, please go back. Ok?” Along Rose’s hand touching Lily’s hair, suddenly Lily screamed out.

“Daddy!”

In fact, Lily saw Andrey held a knife and directed it to his chest. Rose who realized unexpected thing happened to his wife, suddenly left Lily and walked over Andrey to hold the knife. Nevertheless, unexpected thing just happened to Rose. When she was trying to hold the knife in order not to injure her husband, the knife just injured Rose’s chest. The knife stucked in Rose’s chest.

“Why do you kill mommy?!!?” Lily screamed out and cried. Then, everything was bloddy.

The chill of the night brought Lily back to the reality. The worst memory of her mother’s death was far away and left her with sorrow.

“Why did you kill mommy?” Lily repeated her words; moreover, the tears was still dropping on her sorrow.

That night Lily was getting the most terrible feeling. She was so sad, and she didn’t know how the memory of her mother’s death came back. She couldn’t hold the tears at all. Along the tears dropped on her cheeks, she let the hug of her arms on her knees. Then, with slow-motion she moved her hand to something not far from her. She did it with holding the pain in the heart. Her Barbie leg, that’s the thing that was reached by the little girl who didn’t have any friends.

Lily held the Barbie leg. Then she observed it carefully. To be honest, the broken leg of her lovely Barbie caused the worse feeling of hers and created heavier rain on her innocent face.

“Why did you leave me?” she asked the Barbie leg with rain on her face.

“Mommy had left me alone here, and you did too…” she asked for the second time.

“I’m alone. How pity I am. Why no one can accompany me?”

“Why do all people die?” List of words came out of her mouth. She said those words with rain on her face.

Daddy had killed mommy and you. Will daddy kill me as well?” she still talked to the Barbie leg on her hand.

“They may be right…daddy may be a mad man…daddy is a killer….” Lily stopped to talk. She kep silent for a while as though she had been holding the terrible pain in the heart.

“Why did I promise to love and keep daddy?”

“Daddy is the one who killed mommy, right? So, must I love and keep him? Must I give my affection to the murder?” The lips of that little girl vibrated. The eyeball was initially clear like dew, suddenly changed to be red hot as though there’s a fire on it.

Lily moved her hands again. She reached the rest of broken Barbie which was not far from her. Then, she hugged the broken Barbie and washed it with her tears. So sad…she was so sad as though there’s thorn in her heart which couldn’t make her take a breath. Then, she moved and walked in the darkness. She walked without care of the darkness and the walls of the room exposing her. Finally, her tiny feet stopped in front of the closed window with the curtain waved to the night. She parted the curtain slowly. When the curtain had not parted anymore, she opened the closed window. There’s no breeze or flickering star, but the darkness only which wasn’t as dark as the previous night.

“Mommy…” Lily whispered with tears dropped accompanying her.

“May my lovely Barbie see you in the heaven?” Lily stared at the sky which was so dark. Then, the broken leg on her hand glided so fast from the second floor of her house to the ground. Lily had thrown her broken Barbie.

The wind whispered to the leaves. The night became darker and darker. Song of death was heard from the owl. The clarity was closer. The night gave a sign to the nature as if the following day wouldn’t have happened.

“Yipiii…now my lovely Barbie have met my mom…” Lily clapped her hands looking at her broken Barbie on the ground. Beside that, she showed an awful smile.

After clapping, Lily did another action. She climbed the window, and bad thing happened to her…

Lily was standing under the tree in front of her house. Lily stood up and looked at a bloody figure of a little girl who was lying on the ground beside the broken Barbie. She showed her little smile to that bloody figure. Her expression was so terrible, not reflect how old she was.

The wind whispered to the nature. Its whisper caused the leaves dance horribely. Those leaves danced as if they had known the horrible moment playing at that night. Along the dancing of the leaves with the wind’s whisper as the music instrument, Lily was still looking at the corpse of the little girl whose body full of blood. Yes, Lily was looking at the corpse of the little girl with a pig tail on her hair. She was paying attention on the corpse who was laying on the ground with tang. In fact, that bloody corpse with tang was Lily, herself.

“Yipi…now I can see you in the heaven, Mom…”

“I won’t be alone any more…”

“You, my lovely Barbie and I will play, dance and sing together over there, Mom…”

I don’t want to invite daddy to join with us, Mom. Let him play with his sshouting. I don’t want to hear his shouting any more, Mom…”

“And…please don’t punish me because I don’t keep my promise loving and keeping daddy with my aafection, Mom…”

In the following day, when the silent morning, when a couple of sparrow was dancing on the branch of the tree, a woman called news reader was announcing a news on TV. She was announcing the death news.

“A corpse of man in the age of 38 years old was found laying on the yard of his house. He died with blood on his head. Beside that, not far from him, was found a corpse of little girl whose body full of blood. They were suspected they died because of jumping from the window on the second floor…”

“And, the name of those people were Andrey Smith and Lily Smith…”

The sky just kept silent with its cloud. Beside that, the Secret Chamber was full of sorrow, for two people lived together with it on the small house had died. Starting for that cloudy day, there would no one lived at that house, for Rose, Andrey, and Lily died without saying “Goodbye”.

PEKAN ILMIAH DAN SENI UDINUS : JADI NARASUMBER, INI DIA PROFILKU

Eka Pratiwi Taufanti, itulah namaku. Aku terlahir pada tanggal 16 November 1991 silam di desa kecil di perbatasan Provinsi Jawa Tengah-Jawa Barat, tepatnya di Desa babakan Kecamatan Losari Kabupaten Brebes, Jawa Tengah. Seperti yang nampak pada awalan namaku “Eka”, aku dilahirkan sebagai anak pertama dari dua bersaudara. Ya, aku memang memiliki seorang adik laki-laki yang rentan usianya 10 tahun denganku. Ia kini duduk di bangku kelas 1 SMP. Sementara aku, Kini aku tengah duduk di semester 4 Fakultas Ilmu Budaya progdi Sastra Inggris Udinus. Tentu aku bangga bisa berkuliah di Udinus mengingat aku hanya anak kampung di pinggiran Kabupaten Brebes. Namun siapa sangka ada kisah yang mewarnai perjalannan hidupku sampai akhirnya tiba di Udinus?

16 November 1991 pukul 23.00 WIB, aku terlahir dengan normal dari rahim ibuku. Eka kecil menangis, seolah ngeri melihat dunia baru yang sebetulnya tak sepenuhnya mengerikan. Tak ada kekurangan fisik yang nampak pada bayi kecil pasangan Mochammad Taufik Hidayat dan Ema Hermawati. Penglihatan, pendengaran, dan indera lainnya lengkap dan berfungsi dengan baik. Baiklah, bila sudah begitu, orang tuaku patut berucap syukur atas Blue Print-ku sebagai bayi kecil mungil berindera lengkap; aku tak terlahir sebagai bayi yang memiliki kekurangan fisik atau biasa disebut ‘cacat’ (disabilitas).

Aku pun tumbuh dengan baik. TK dan SD kujalani dengan tanpa hambatan, bahkan bisa dibilang ketika SD dulu aku dinobatkan sebagai salah satu murid berprestasi di SD Negeri 1 Babakan mengingat peringkat juara kelas yang kerap kusandang. Namun aku sedikit ‘malas’ dengan nyeri di sekujur tubuhku ketika dingin menerjang. ‘Rematik’, begitulah dokter bilang atas nyeri di otot-otot persedianku. Memang agak ganjal bila aku yang masih duduk di bangku Sekolah Dasar harus memiliki penyakit semacam itu. Tiap kali rematik datang, aku pasti menangis karena tak kuasa menahan nyeri yang benar-benar mengganggu. Alhasil simbahku yang kerap memijat bahkan tak segan kuminta beliau memukul tangan dan kakiku agar nyerinya berkurang. Dan tahukah apa yang kulakukan selain dipijat semacam itu? Mengkonsumsi obat tak berlabel yang kubeli di Apotek, itulah pereda nyeri cukup ampuh yang kemudian terus kukonsumsi hingga aku dewasa.

Lulus dari SD, aku melanjutkan di SMP Negeri 2 Losari, Brebes. Ketika duduk di bangku SMP, keganjilan lain muncul selain rematik dan obat pereda nyeri yang tetap kukonsumsi tentunya. Aku bermasalah dengan penglihatanku. Dengan kata lain, aku tak begitu jelas bila harus melihat tulisan dengan jarak yang agak jauh. Alhasil aku berobat mata, dan dokter menyatakan aku terkena minus dengan tambahan silindris. Akhirnya setahun setelah pemeriksaan itu, tepatnya ketika aku duduk di bangku kelas 2 SMP, aku pun mengenakan kacamata minus. Menyoal prestasi di SMP, tak ada yang begitu mencolok. Pasalnya, aku tak lagi mendapat peringkat pertama di kelas, hanya puas mentok di peringkat ketiga atau bahkan aku pernah mendapat peringkat 6 ketika kelas 2 SMP. Meski prestasiku tak begitu kentara, namun aku tetap berusaha aktiv di ekstrakurikuler sekolah. Ketika itu aku bergabung dengan Paskibra dan English Club karena memang aku sudah tertarik dengan Bahasa Inggris sejak aku SD.

Lulus dari SMP, aku melanjutkan ke SMA Negeri 1 Tanjung, Brebes. Di SMA aku bergabung dengan OSIS selama dua kali masa jabatan sekaligus bergabung dengan Paduan Suara di SMA-ku. Tak begitu jauh dengan SMP, prestasiku pun biasa-biasa saja. Peringkat terbaikku hanya mentok di peringkat ketiga. Namun dari mata pelajaran yang ada, pelajaran Bahasa Inggris memang menjadi penyumbang angka bagus di raport-ku. Namun sedikit ganjalan terjadi padaku ketika SMA. Memang sejak SMP, aku kerap berganti kacamata dengan jarak pergantian yang tak begitu jauh. Di SMA pun aku masih melakukan hal yang sama. Namun puncaknya terjadi ketika aku kelas 3 SMA. Aku merasakan hal aneh pada bola mataku. Aku merasakan ada selaput tipis menutupi bola mataku yang kiri. Selaput itu mengganggu proses mobilitas dan belajarku meski tak begitu kentara gangguannya. Kupikir itu adalah kotoran di mataku, namun berulang kali kubersihkan, selaput itu tak kunjung hilang. Aku semakin curiga, lebih-lebih ketika rasa nyeri juga datang bertubi-tubi di bola mataku. Ya, aku merasakan nyeri yang teramat sangat. Nyeri itu sulit digambarkan. Nyeri itu menyerang bola mataku, semacam dipukuli orang rasa yang kuderita. Ketika nyeri itu datang, kontan nyeri itu akan menjalar ke bagian tubuh lainnya seperti gigi, hidung dan kepala tentunya. Alhasil, setiap kali aku diserang rasa itu, aku tak mampu melakukan apa-apa karena memang rasa itu akan berujung pula di perutku. Ya, perutku mual, mungkin karena rasa sakit di kepala juga. Tahukah apa yang kulakukan untuk meredam nyeri itu? Aku merebahkan tubuhku di ranjang, kemudian kugantung kepalaku; kubiarkan kepalaku menggantung di ranjang. Aneh memang, namun itulah sedikit jalan yang bisa kutempuh. Tak hanya itu, aku pun kerap memukul kepalaku ketika nyeri datang. Benar-benar nyeri yang menyiksa!

Meskipun penderitaan di bola mata terus kudapat, aku tak serta merta berobat ke dokter. Ketika itu aku hanya mengganti kacamataku karena kupikir minus-ku bertambah mengingat aku memang kesulitan melihat tulisan di papan tulis meski aku duduk di kursi paling depan. Aku sempat merasa aneh sebab baru dua bulan aku mengganti kacamataku, mengapa kacamatku minta diganti lagi? Namun kuturuti saja keinginan itu karena memang aku tak kuasa menahan nyeri ketika bola mataku kupaksa membaca tulisan. Bisa dibilang masa-masa SMA kujalani dengan cukup bersusah payah mengingat rasa nyeri yang baru kali itu kurasakan. Beruntunglah aku karena akhirnya aku dapat lulus SMA meski dengan perjuangan yang cukup melelahkan.

Tak ingin terhenti di SMA, pada tahun 2009 aku pun melanjutkan kuliah ke Universitas Pancasakti Tegal Fakultas Keguruan dan Ilmu Pendidikan Progdi Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris. Aku tak terlalu begitu dipusingkan dengan pemilihan jurusan karena minatku hanya di Bahasa Inggris, sehingga aku langsung putuskan masuk jurusan itu. Awal kuliah, tepatnya pada masa orientasi mahasiswa, kesabaranku benar-benar diuji. Bola mataku semakin ganas! Nyerinya semakin menjadi, lebih-lebih ketika aku berada di luar ruangan dan terpapar sinar matahari. Tahukah apa yang terjadi? Ketika terpapar cahaya matahari, kontan penglihatanku kabur, kontan pula penglihatanku berubah menjadi putih seputih kabut. Bisa dibayangkan betapa sulitnya menjalani ospek dengan gangguan semacam itu. Alhasil karena aku tak lagi kuasa menahan nyeri dan ganggunan fenomena ‘kabut’, aku pun meluncur ke klinik mata di Kota Tegal dengan dokternya yang bernama dr. Nuryanto. Dari pemeriksaan dokter, aku dinyatakan positif Glaukoma. Dan tahukah apa penyebab dari Glaukoma-ku? Obat rematik yang sedari kecil kukonsumsi, ternyata jadi penyebab datangnya Glaukoma. Apa itu ‘Glaukoma’?

‘Glaukoma’ adalah penyakit mata yang ditimbulkan karena tersumbatnya cairan di bola mata yang kemudian menimbulkan tekanan di syaraf mata. Tekanan itulah yang kemudian merusak syaraf mata yang notabene pengantar pesan cahaya ke otak. Dan parahnya, hadiah yang diberikan oleh penyakit itu adalah ketunanetraan. Awalnya aku tak peduli dengan ancaman ketunanetraan yang menghantuiku, namun lambat laun ancaman itu semakin nyata. Hal itu terbukti dari tekanan bola mataku yang fluktuatif. Akhirnya aku dirujuk ke RS Mata Cicendo Bandung, namun tak membuahkan hasil, begitu pun ketika dirujuk ke RS Mata Yap Jogjakarta. Sebetulnya keganjilan mulai nampak ketika penglihatanku menurun. Lambat laun mobilitasku semakin terganggu. Akhirnya orang tuaku tak lagi mengijinkanku mengendarai sepeda motor.

Hari demi hari penglihatanku semakin menurun. Seiring dengan itu, aku pun semakin sadar bahwa ketunanetraan akan segera kusandang. Ternyata benar saja, setelah aku rutin menjalani pengobatan seminggu sekali dengan biaya obat yang tak murah, akhirnya pada hari ketiga di semester 2, aku harus dropout dari kampus. Aku tak mau melakukannya, namun keluargaku memaksa karena memang aku tak lagi sanggup melihat papan tulis dan mobilitas seorang diri. Ketika itu aku sudah sering nyaris ditabrak kendaraan dan nyaris jatuh dari tangga karena penglihatan yang menurun.

Tahun 2010 pun aku tak lagi berkuliah. Aku hanya menghabiskan hari-hariku di rumah. Menangis, marah, mengurung diri di kamar, bahkan sempat nyaris menggunduli rambut karena depresi, itulah gambaranku ketika itu. Ditambah lagi kekasihku ketika itu tak bisa menerima kondisiku sebagai Tunanetra dengan status low-vision. Ya, dia meninggalkanku seorang diri. Benar-benar fase yang berat. Perubahan yang drastis. Aku yang semula lincah bepergian, akhirnya harus ‘lumpuh’ di kamar tanpa ada semangat yang mengaliri.

2010 hingga 2011 kulewatkan begitu saja di rumah. Tak ada aktivitas, hanya mampu berdiam diri, bahkan untuk menyalurkan hobi menulisku saja aku tak kuasa karena memang penglihatanku yang tak lagi bisa diandalkan untuk mengakses komputer. Namun kemudian, pada awal 2011 aku mengnal komunitas di dunia maya bernama Kartunet (Karya Tunanetra). Dari mereka aku tahu informasi tentang ‘Komputer Bicara’ sebagai alat bantu Tunanetra. Dari mereka lah semangat kuliahku tumbuh, meski aku tak dapat langsung merealisasikan mimpiku mengingat kondisi ekonomi keluargaku yang carut marut. Namun pada bulan suci ramadhan 2011, aku mendapat software pembaca layar yang diinstalkan oleh mahasiswa yang tengah KKN di kampungku. Alhasil laptopku sudah terinstall pembaca layar. Kemudian, bulan berikutnya, tepatnya pada Bulan Oktober 2011, aku diundang mengikuti pelatihan komputer bicara di sekretariat DPD Persatuan Tunanetra Indonesia (Pertuni) di Semarang. Ketika itu aku memang telah mendaftarkan diri sebagai anggota Pertuni cabang Kabupaten Brebes. Dan kemudian dari pelatihan itulah aku megnanal lebih dalam tentang komputer bicara, tentang software pembaca layar bernama JAWS(Job Access With Speech), dan tentu aku mulai tahu informasi tentang Udinus.

Berkat informasi dari Ketua Umum DPD Pertuni Jawa Tengah, Pak Suryandaru, yang juga alumni Sastra Inggris Udinus, aku tahu bahwa Udinus memiliki kerjasama beasiswa pendidikan dengan DPD Pertuni Jawa Tengah. Aku tentu tergiur dengan tawaran itu, namun aku sadar bahwa orang tuaku tak punya cukup uang untuk membiayai hidupku di Semarang. Namun berkat doa dan bantuan dari banyak pihak, akhirnya aku berhasil kuliah di Udinus, dan itu pun dengan menggunakan laptop bekas pemberian Pak Suryandaru. Kami mahasiswa Tunanetra di Udinus memang dianjurkan emiliki laptop mengingat proses belajar di Udinus sudah komputerisasi.

2012 pun aku resmi menjadi mahasiswa Sastra Inggris Udinus. Pada angkatanku, hanya ada aku dan sahabatku Ari Triono yang tercatat sebagai mahasiswa Tunaentra di Udinus. Kami berkuliah dengan menggunakan laptop, dan tentu saja kugunakan laptop pemberian Pak Suryandaru. Di awal perkuliahan tentu aku harus menyesuaikan belajar dengan kondisi sebagai Tunanetra berstatus Totally Blind karena sejak akhir 2011 penglihatanku sudah hilang sama sekali. Tak ada hambatan berarti. Sekali pun ada hambatan, letaknya ada pada modul dengan tulisan awas (latin). Tentu Tunanetra tak dapat menggunakan modul tersebut. Kalau pun harus menggunakan, kami perlu melakukan scanning terlebih dahulu. Meski hambatan berupa modul mengancamku, namun Alhamdulillah prestasiku tak begitu buruk. Pada semester 1 lalu, aku mendapat IP 3,45. Sedangkan pada semester 2 aku mendapat IP 3,86. Dan semester tiga kemarin, aku berhasil mendapat IP 3,91. Tentu hal itu membuatku bahagia karena di tengah-tengah keterbatasnku, aku bisa sedikit membuat bangga orang tuaku.

Di kampus aku mengikuti UKM Pers Kampus (Warta Dinus), dan ketika semester 1 lalu, aku sempat mengikuti Udinus Debate Club (UDC) meski tak berlangsung lama. Sebetulnya ketika aku semester 2 lalu, aku dan beberapa senior di Progdi Sastra Inggirs dikirim ke Unnes untuk mengikuti Speech Contest se-Jateng. Tentu aku bangga dan bahagia bisa mendapat kepercayaan semacam itu, ditambah lagi statusku sebagai Tunanetra. Pada Speech Contest itu, rupanya aku belum beruntung karena dari 60 peserta, aku hanya puas menduduki peringkat ke-20.

Hal lain yang juga menjadi pengalamanku berkuliah di Udinus adalah ketika aku dan teman-teman mengikuti program fasilitasi dari Diknas. Bersama Ari Triono yang juga mahasiswa Tunanetra, sekaligus dua sahabat kami yang memiliki penglihatan awas, kami mencoba mengikuti program fasilitasi dari Diknas tersebut. Kami mengirimkan Proposal Kewirausahaan bernama “Nugget Herbivora”, dan Alhamdulillah kami berhasil didanai oleh Diknas dan menjadi satu-satunya proposal mahasiswa dari Udinus yang lolos hingga didanai. Tak hanya itu, pada event Pekan Ilmiah dan Seni di Udinus pun saya dan Ari Triono berhasil meloloskan paper Gagasan Tertulis kami hingga lolos 10 besar. Pada tanggal 19 Maret 2014, aku selaku ketua PKM GT dari timku, harus presentasi di depan reviewer. Pada pagelaran PIS ini, sebetulnya ada cabang lomba lain yang kuikuti yaitu penulisan cerpen. Namun sayangnya aku harus melepaskan cabang lomba itu mengingat jadwal lomba penulisan cerpen bentrok dengan presentasi PKM GT. Selain itu, pada Bulan Oktober 2013 lalu, aku dan Ari mengikuti Pertemuan Mahasiswa Tunanetra Tingkat Nasional di Jakarta sebagai wakil mahasiswa dari Jawa Tengah, dan tentu saja dari Udinus. Pada acara tersebut, Alhamdulillah aku dinobatkan sebagai peserta terbaik. Sementara itu, Di luar kampus, aku mengikuti Persatuan Tunanetra Indonesia (Pertuni) dan menjabat sebagai Bendahara di DPD Pertuni Jawa Tengah. Kini aku hidup seorang diri di Semarang. Selama berkuliah, aku tinggal di rumah kos yang beralamat di Nakula Raya 12. Dalam melakukan mobilitas, aku kerap melakukannya seorang diri, begitu pun ketika hendak berangkat kuliah.

Aku tentu bangga dan bahagia dengan apa yang kudapat sekarang ini. Memang yang kudapat ini belum apa-apa jika diabndingkan dengan teman-teman lainnya, namun aku tetap bersyukur karena meskipun aku harus tinggal berpisah dengan orang tuaku yang berjualan pecel serta nasi di luar jawa, namun aku bisa tetap melanjutkan pendidikanku. Pelita di kedua mataku kini memang telahtiada , terganti gulita yang sesakkan dada. Namun berkat rasa syukur dan mimpi yang mberpijar dalam jiwa, gulita itu seolah bukan apa-apa. Pelita lain, pelita baru yang lebih benderang dari cahaya optic pada indera penglihatanku kini berpijar, menyinari kehidupan seorang anak manusia yang dianugerahi sebuah ketunanetraan, seorang anak manusia yang meski memiliki keterbatasan namun tetap memiliki mimpi sebesar bahkan lebih besar dari mereka; individu-individu yang sempurna secara fisik. Seseorang dengan keterbatasan nyatanya dapat menembus keterbatasan tanpa batas, berlari mengejar mimpi dengan keyakinan penuh dalam hati. Bagiku hidup adalah berawl dari mimpi, maka jangan takut bermimpi karena ketika kita takut bermimpi, kehidupan ini tak akan ada untuk kita.

“Kuncinya, ikhlas dengan takdir yang ada and do believe that God will give a hand for us!!”

Rabu, 22 April 2015

MY FEELING : ABSTRACT, BUT SO TOUCHING!

Gak nyangka aku bisa nulis sedalam ini. Samar-samar sih aku inget alasan di ballik penulisan tulisan ini. Tapi, sahabat ada yang bisa intrepretasiin gak makna di balik tulisanku ini?


Manusia memang makhluk sempurna, namun ingatlah, tak ada satu pun manusia yang dapat membaca garis tangan sang kuasa di masa depan, bahkan untuk satu detik kemudian yang manusia miliki. Begitu pun diriku. Aku tak pernah tahu bahwa sekarang akan menjadi begitu abstrak segala yang menempel pada diriku, bahkan sebentuk hati yang kumiliki pun kini tak berbentuk lagi. Mengapa? Adakah kutukan yang kudapat di masa-masa sebelumnya, jauh ketika rahim ibuku sesak oleh ruh yang dihembuskan pada janin yang kemudian tumbuh menjadi sosok sepertiku? Mungkin kejadiannya tak serumit itu. Ya, garis itu tak lebih dari goresan pena yang kutorehkan atas kehendak sosok berparas malaikat.

Aku menoleh padanya. Sosok itu masih terdiam di tempat duduknya. Ia tak menoleh padaku. Lekat kupandangi lekuk tubuhnya. Rambutnya, telinganya, matanya, hidungnya, bibirnya, pipinya, lehernya, bahunya yang kekar, tangannya yang halus lembut, dan ah! Aku menarik pandanganku, menyembunyikannya dalamm-dalam di kedua lututku. Dadakku sesak. Mataku yang semula berbinar karena sosok indah di sebelahku, kini berganti panas yang seolah ingin membakar habis keindahan yang ada disana. Aku memeluk lututku erat-erat. Sekuat tenaga kukembalikan perasaanku pada titik paling wajar yang pernah ada. Namun rasanya aku tak kuasa hingga hasratku menarikku kuat-kuat pada sebuah fatamorgana yang selama ini mengakar dalam jiwa.

Kembali kulemparkan pandang pada sosok indah itu. Ia masih tak bergeming disana. Bibir merahnya begitu mempesona, membangkitkan gejolak pada diriku untuk menyentuhkan jemari tanganku pada bibir merah milik sosok itu.

Perlahan aku mendekat padanya. Kini kubiarkan tubuhku menghadap padanya. Ia masih tak bergeming bagai patung yang tak bertuan. Puas aku melihat sosok itu. Kembali rambut itu, telinga itu, hidung itu, mata itu, bibir itu, leher itu, dan semua tentang dia, begitu indah, sampai akhirnya aku menghambur ke arahnya.

Pertahananku jebol. Aku kalah oleh sosok itu. Aku menangis dalam pelukannya. Dadakku begitu sesak nyaris sama sesakknya seperti moment ketika salah seorang dokter memvonisku dengan sebuah penyakit yang begitu menyeramkan.

“Lihat aku…lihat aku…”

Aku merengek pada sosok itu. Air mataku masih berlinang. Wajahku kacau. Sekuat tenaga aku mentransfer perasaanku padanya, namun ia tetap sama, tak bergeming meski hanya untuk melirik lewat ekor matanya.

“Kamu kenapa?” batinku. Aku masih merengek dalam pelukannya. Aku gemas, namun juga tak bisa apa-apa. Ia masih mematung. Sulit rasanya membuatnya berbicara. Aku terus menangis, berharap ia melunak dan berbalik arah padaku.

“Aku tak lagi ingin melihat satu sisi darimu, tapi aku ingin seluruh sisi darimu,” Aku berucap lirih padanya. Ia masih tetap tak bergeming, hanya saja, kini bibir merahnya menyunggingkan senyum. Aku menatap senyum itu, dalam. Air mataku menetes bulir demi bulir, namun aku tak peduli dengan air mataku. Yang kupikirkan sekarang adalah makna yang ada di balik senyum itu.

“Apa maksudmu?” aku melontarkan tanya itu dalam hati. Inginnya melontarkan secara nyata, namun bibir rasanya kelu untuk membuatnya nyata.

Detik demi detik senyum itu memudar. Jangan! Aku tak ingin senyum itu memudar. Aku belum selesai menyimpulkan segalanya. Aku tak ingin senyum itu pudar. Aku butuh waktu lebih. Ya, waktu lebih untuk menyimpulkan senyum yang bahkan hanya dapat kulihat dari satu sisi, seperti halnya ketika aku melihat bagian tubuh ia, yang lainnya.